Yanks Gonna Run This Town Tonight (better lyrics than Z100)

winning games with pies and flair/try and stump cc if you dare/gonna light up pedro too/oh tex you are way more than due/lexi doesnt know how to get cold/phillies as the world champs is already old/it's time to play our own home run bronx derby/the swish-hawk is back so we're not nervy/the only thing that's on our minds/jetahhhhhh + yanks gonna run this town tonight.

more stanza's to come. 123 minutes until our CC throws out the first pitch. Can you feel it in the air? Nauseua/Excitement. We're back, baby.

CC Me Roar :: Domination in the ALCS

Taking nothing away from Saturday night's dramatic extra inning win, we're going back to Game 1 to bestow our hefty lefty with some serious prise for his performance. "CC was the cold" on Friday night, and that's a halos quote. He never faltered, throwing 97 in the 8th inning and making arguably the best throw we've ever seen a pitcher make, bare-handed, in 27 degree weather with wind chill, to Tex (who did a split) for the out. Hats (not off), but -cocked-to-the-side for our boy. He's starting Game 4 on short rest, and we couldn't feel more secure in his hands. In CC we trust. Do. we. ever.

A-Rod: You're no Jeter, but we're warming up to you. Is that directly related to your recent post -season success? Absolutely. We don't wanna get tropical drinks with you and Kate in Miami, but you're contributing where it counts and if this continues, no one will remember 'MIA-Rod' and we probably won't hate you. No matter what anyone can say, you've made a steep climb back from hell. That is no small feat. Assuming we get there, let's hope your November is just as good as your October.

New York was alive this weekend. Even Mets fans seemed happy for us (most likely on account of the increasing liklihood of a Yanks-Phillies World Series unless we collapse or the Dodgers pull their heads out their asses and make it a series). To carry the pie-in-the-face, walk off-spirit into the postseason is more than any fan could ask for. Especially when both games were in danger of getting rained out. We're hearing a lot of whining about the weather conditions for the Angels. It's not like it was a cake walk for us either (maybe a pie walk). The point is, the conditions were rough on both parties, but the only real rain spotted was on the Angel's parade. If Johnny was connecting on catches in the outfield, it can't be that hard. Did the Rally Monkey not make the flight?

We won't get too cocky or complacent, the only C's we need are the one's we got. Let's storm Anaheim like it's Game 1 and set up CC for the knockout punch.

Thanks for a great weekend of baseball, boys. Let's go get it.

We Can Rally in the Rain and We Don't Need a Monkey to Prove It

It's miserable weather in New York. Not a problem. Whether Game 1 is delayed, post-poned or played on a floating stadium in the Hudson, we are ready. CC has goggles. A quick little rundown in honor of our first ALCS since 2004.

Things We Know (besides Twins, check!)

1. This is not ALCS Weather, but it is Yankee Weather (according to baseball's Al Roker, Jorge Posada).

2. We are playing Red, but not the Red we may have wanted. (foreshadowing much?)

3. CC pounds the strike zone.

4. This is a different A-Rod (we won't say we told you so, but we told you so #4)

Things We Don't Know

1. If we'll play tonight. At 7:57 pm.

2. If we'll play tomorrow. At all.

3. How the Angels lineup will match up with us in the post-season.

4. If the new and improved clutch Rod will show up with waterwings.

Things We Believe In

1. Rallying. And not the kind that is sponsored by a fake monkey*

2. Not so much our lineup, but our team chemistry.

3. Carsten Charles Sabathia.

4. Revenge for 2002 and 2005 (and emotionally, 2004).

*Baseball is a sport. Sports are about what you produce on the field. Rallying is what you do when you are down, but you are not out. It's about risk. It's about the swing, it's about the base-running, it's about bottom of the 9th inning runs. It's about the crowd going wild because you never said die. It's not about flair, towels or stuffed animals. You may have a rally monkey, Angels, but our middle name has been rally for the entire 2009 season. We walk off like it's our job. Put your monkeys away. They don't like the rain. This is New York.

This has been an official message from 2GirlsLeftonBase, Inc.

Fire It Up

We don't know who we're playing. We don't know which Joba will show up if he comes out of the bullpen. We're not even sure he'll be in the bullpen. We don't know what CC will have for dinner tonight. But, we do know that the ALDS elmblem is on the field and that makes us giddy and nauseus. We do know that we're playing someone in Game 1 tomorrow at 6:07 EST. Here are some final words before this crazy city we call home is taken over by postseason baseball.

1. Substantial piece on Jeter by Will Leitch in this week's NY mag. Whatever you want to say about Jeter, this man epitomizes class and this article is very telling.

2. We don't give two hoots how CC pitched in his final game. The Devil Rays couldn't cough up the talent to afford a ticket to the dance and CC isn't as mental as AJ. He didn't come one win shy of 20 because he's been sitting around reading tarot cards.

3. Speaking of AJ, looks like Molina will be catching for him (we still love you Posada). He's clearly all about comfortability. If he's that mental, having finished strong might make the difference in his October success.

4. Ignoring all articles on A-Rod's coldtobers. Everything about this season points to a turnaround.

Rest up, boys. Get hungry.

The Hangover starring Ramiro Pena

1. We are terribly sorry for our disappearance. We have been watching. We have been pumped. We just haven't been writing. There's really no excuse. We won 100+ games, clinched playoff birth, clinched the AL East and leveled the season series (that began 0-8 we might add) with Red Laundry. There. just. is. no. excuse. So, we won't offer one and we'll just say we've been overcome by happiness and we promise you, we've been watching. We're in an incredible place and we are optimistic about October. Carsten Charles Sabathia looks inhuman this season, Jeter majors in October and we just might be able to combat the inevitable "A-Rod will choke" media frenzy. Got momentum? This may just be our year again.

2. Sweeping the BoSox at home to clinch division couldn't have been spielbergly scripted better for a Yankee fan. But, the one thing we took away from this last series (besides a bubbly soaked broom) is just how much of a team this roster has become. Game 1, Joba showed up. He was rewarded by offense. Game 2, everything was clicking. Down to Brett Gardner's steal of third - not a pinstripe didn't offer up something positive, most specifically Cano and go-johnny-go. CC's new grip on the fastball looks like it has batters scratching their heads. Can he be stopped? We hope he has been fed a month in advance. Game 3? Pettitte goes hot in the 4th and Melkman, Tex, Rod and Matsui all deliver in various ways. If it's not one, its a dozen others. No one is cold and everyone's communicating. It's as collective as it can possibly be.

3. The Hangover lineup beat the Royals last night. Yes, we know. The Royals. But our reserves still played like they cared. Pena got a homer and we have secret bench weapons. We won't settle. We're still brushing up for the postseason. PS. Swisher, hair off the dog or tomato juice. It helps.

4. We've noticed a lot of Red Sox team shrugging and self-depreciating fan talk. You may not have played great, but you weren't awful. Dice K was shutting us down for quite awhile and Byrd held us off until the late innings. If anything, we were playing better than you were playing bad. This is not to say it won't be a showdown if we meet in the ALCS. We know what you can produce offensively, but our pitching especially was on point and you know it.

5. Derek Jeter, don't think you don't deserve a special shout out for passing Lou Gehrig in all time Yankee hits. You remain the most clutch, poised, classy thing on this team and there isn't a game that goes by where we don't notice another single up the middle or defensive move that has our tongues wagging. You're money, baby.

AL EAST Division Title? Don't Mind If We Do.

October Feel

In honor of the 4 game series beginning tonight in El Bronx, we have written a little play. Here's to our boys in pinstripes. Let's play like we've been playing since the break and take it straight to division. No prisioners.

Visiting Locker (Yankee Stadium)

Penny: I got some Tropiciana-couldn't strike out a ray if my life depended on it - i need to lose weight just in my face- please don't put me in - ever again- god its like Nam flashbacks- blueeeeeeeeeeees

Smoltz: Don't worry, Brad. Terry put me in. I am 2-4 with a terrible ERA. HEAR ME ROAR. Joba is half my age and just hitting his stride....I've only pitched to the Yankees like twice. Shit guys...someone pull a Tonya Harding so I can go back on the DL and live out shoulda-retired- career there.

Big Slumpi: Dude..chill out. I have something you could take...you just have to.... wait.

Smoltz: Why? DUDE HAND IT OVER, did you hear me? i might throw my back out. i am. not. good.

Big Slumpi: I am waiting to find out what I tested positive for so I don't admit to taking something no one knows about - you know "digesting the information"- if it's what I think it is, it's only one of the three I was taking anyway...

Smoltz: I don't have time for this bullshit, I'm calling Manny.

Papelbon: Doesn't really matter what you do out there, I blow saves like coke.

Sawx Bullpen: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Big Slumpi: Coke! Could that have been it? I did do a line off Manny's back and sprinkled some on a donut once to block Roids in testing. I'll just say I did coke!!!!!

Youk: How does Jeter get all those hot girls? Has anyone here touched a female?

Ellsbury: You're screwed, man. I am the only one on this team that even resembles a human.

Youk: Harsh. Victor's alright...where is he?

Martinez has wandered off into the Yankee locker rooms. He is now talking salary and trying on pinstripes.

Red Sox: WTF?!!!

Damon: Guys, he knows we resemble the 2006 Yankees and that can't be a bad thing. Enjoy your eight games. We're about to make it rain out here until the post-season. We're talking a real monsoon. Now, get out.

CC: Yo, and papi, hands off my ribs.

Guess Who's Back, Back Again

We haven't become Mets' fans, don't worry. There's just been a lot going on. Between the passing of Michael Jackson, goodbye parties and getting out of the city here and there, we've been a little preoccupied. Can't say it won't happen again but we will double down on the rest of the season. We also preferred returning as we tied up the AL East rather than on the heels of an Angels sweep. 3 games back at the AllStar break - things could have been worse. About a month ago, many of our baseball enimies said we'd be seven or eight games back at the break. Bets were proposed. We should have taken them. We could really use that money for Stadium beers. Alas, its all tie with a pie. We thrashed the Tigers, locked in four straight W's since the break and will most likely handily tackle Baltimore. Interesting that the Sox beating us eight times still hasn't done much in their quest for the Pennant. Hasn't pushed us down. If anything, it makes us wonder where we'd be if we won half those games. We wear embarrassment like Armani. We squeeze lemons into blue moon. We keep winning games. We're 18 games over .500. We haven't tasted a record like this since the final days of the 2007 season. Just the kind of fire we wanna get cooking as the Pennant race heats up. Sabathia would like a marshmellow with that. Since we not-so-subtly-missed the halfway point of the season, it's about time to give out a few token awards.

Hottest -ass-while-dishing-out-a-season-high-eight-strikeouts (nice cutter): Andy Pettitte

Clutchest Performance-despite-having-to-save-Papelbon (blech): Mo during the ALLSTAR game. Enter Sandman, exit AL victory. No sweat. Just like Obama.

Most Homers Hit While Being Distracted by Kate Hudson : take a guess.

Best-reaction-yet-to-a-pie-in-the-face: Godzilla.

Hottest BallPark during a monsoon filled Summer: New Yankee Stadium as our boys have won the last 24 out of 33 at home.

And finally....last but not least...The "Even Though His Numbers Are Slipping if you Trade Him We will Burst into Yankee Management Offices with Torches" Award: Melky 'tiene leche?' Cabrera. Seriously, higher ups. Do NOT touch him. Paws off.

The point is. We're back. We're better than ever. We're going to the game tonight (we've adopted a strict no rainout policy so bring your waterwings, O's). And its time to get down to business. Clear eyes. Full hearts. Can't lose.

It ain't over till October.

Will the Real Yankee Fans Please Stand Up?!

Its a cold and dreary Friday morning and yes, we're dejected. One nightmare and two heartbreakers later, we're 0-8 to Red Laundry. It's not pretty. Thrilled we are not. But, when the anger and styrofoam cups of beer wear off, we're also realistic. Beating the Sox is more about personal pleasure and redemption at this point than anything else. It's about proving a point. It's about backing up fiery rhetoric in 46 message e-mail chains. We're two games out of first with 102 games left. Not exactly a shoddy position to be in come mid-June. At the end of the day, we know all that matters is our respective records and who wins come the leaves of October. It might be mental with the Sox. It might be the way our line-ups match up. It might be that we've played six games in Boston and only two in New York. It could be Youkilis's little at bat dance (timed to music, its pretty amusing). Maybe its the rain falling mainly on A-Rod's plain. Hell, we do not know. With most of the eight games close, we know its within our grasp. We know we're better than what we've presented on Fenway field this week. And, as much as we want to plead with the MLB to switch our August games with games, starting say tomorrow, we know thats not how this operation works. We have to regroup and focus on winning the rest of our series's in June and July. We've got to live with the trash talk from the greater MA area until we get another shot in August. Even then, we'll have to swallow the fact that we dropped eight straight games to them and that this hasn't happened in 100 years, blah blah blah. That stuff does not matter if we show up playoff ready. Instead of ranting and raving about the Sox, we're going to take issue with an animal of a different color (because frankly red is making us sick at this point).

We want to talk about Yankee fans in NYC. Rather, fans in general in this city of ours. We watched two out of three games in bar situations. The facts are these: a lot of our present company were Sox fans. The NBA Finals were on both nights and the Stanley Cup one. We understand that we chose who we came with and that attention at bars is divided. Those other games are in the post-season. Finding Yankee fans, however, for one of the greatest rivalries in sports was like searching for a tiny unicorn. Crickets. Where are you people? A 102 fever couldn't keep us from one of the games and we had to look behind corners and barstools to find someone NOT wearing pink Sox gear or I-banker getup in Hell's Kitchen. A group of Mets fans cheered against us even though we were rooting for them against the Phillies. When we clapped for getting a Yank on base (yes it was the little things in Tuesday nights game that mattered), a guy actually informed us we were down 7 runs. Yes, we know. We've been here all night. Sorry, we didn't know that meant we were supposed to become mute. Now is when they need us more than ever. Fair weather we are not. Then, theres the people who aren't even Sox fans. No, they just hate the Yankees so they choose to root for you to fail. We get the Yankee hatred. We weren't born yesterday. We even get why. Personal reasons are personal reasons. It's still not classy to only root for a team to fail when you don't care for the other team playing. Do we want the Red Sox to win all their other games? Not exactly, but we don't travel up to Copley Square and get in fans faces when they are playing the Twins. To all the random haters: We actually do care. Our emotions are riding on the team bus so the fact that you get enjoyment out of our misery is worse than all the things you probably hate the Yankees for. The real Yankee fans in NYC need to get off their oversized couches and show a little team spirit. Regardless if we can't win a game against the Sox all season (which we will), they need to GET UP. THIS IS YOUR TEAM PEOPLE. To the Mets fans that are rooting against us, please stop. Its not helping anyone. When we play each other fine, go nuts. Otherwise, remember: the Yankees have a New York infront of it for a reason. Let's enjoy a small slice of comradery. And to the people that get in our face when we're not even playing you, our guess is that your own team could probably use all that energy you spend being hateful.

So, we're gonna end this on a positive note because we too sometimes get a little too carried away. It sucks boys. We know you wanted this. We did too. Bad. Last night, really really bad. But, its the nature of the beast. You have incredible fight in you. We have lots of heart. Now let's go get first back.

The Joke's on You

For some reason we are much funnier when the Yankees are losing. We've been envisioning a post a la Seth Meyers' "REALLY?" bit from SNL asking the Yanks what they are thinking with Berroa on the roster. I mean really. But it doesn't really matter if Berroa comes in for Lexi in the 8th when we're winning 12-3. As far as we're concerned, Berroa can play every position when we're winning by 9.

For a few years now the Yanks have been the butt of every joke imaginable. A-Roid/ A-Fraud, Torre hating on his old players, the alleged broken curse (which we agree was Red Laundry just being bad for 86 years), paying big bucks for players who don't perform, and more recently, stealing taxpayer's money to build a stadium that they didn't need. But we haven't really heard these jokes lately, have we?

Apparently the joke now, is on the rest of baseball. We don't believe in curses or superstition, and while it's only been whispered so far, the way the Yankees are playing, no one would be surprised to see them win their 27th championship. Yeah, we said it. And everyone is thinking it now, so there isn't much to be said, is there? Got Jokes? No, but we've Got Melk.

Red Laundry has gotten a lot of people on their bandwagon lately, but they really are just the Susan Lucci of baseball. The woman was nominated 21 times for an Emmy. She was the talk of the Soap Opera world for 20 years. When was she going to win? She's got all the right stuff. Then something crazy happened, she actually won. There was buzz, and people got over it. To be fair Red Laundry won twice. But does anyone really care if they win anymore? Not really. Red Laundry is Twitter, and the Yankees are Facebook. It's new and exciting, all the celebs are on board, but in the end, it's never going to be cooler than Facebook. It doesn't have the history or the money that Facebook has. Papi Grande ain't got nothing on The Great Bambino.

Suddenly Torre is wishing the Yankees nothing but luck. We love Torre- love. You are a Yankees icon. But we read the book. Ouch, Joe. We agree that Lexi is fun to pick on, but give us a break. It was all fun and games out there in LALAland with your cool new car commercials and no rain delays until your old team realized it didn't need you. Now you're up late with Nam-like dreams of Melky in the bottom of the 9th. Do you think he'll still be wishing us nothing but the best when we have a better record than the Dodgers? We don't think so.

We haven't heard anyone complaining about how much we paid for Lexi anymore. We guess when you have almost as many RBIs as games you've played in and are hitting a home run at least once every 4 games, people start to think maybe you are worth $275 mill. We haven't heard too much complaining that he hasn't cashed in on his many bases loaded at-bats recently (but seriously, we wouldn't be upset with a GS this week). And Manny Being Banny has definitely shut people up on the steroid front. Does anyone even know that Lexi is dating Kate Hudson? Sure they do. Does anyone care? No, cause he's playing good baseball and everyone knows it. We haven't seen a purse on his arm in quite awhile and frankly we think it's going to remain that way.

So, maybe there is nothing funny about the Yankees these days. And that's a-OK with us.

Hate it or Love it, The Yanks on TOP

Since we last checked in, our boys have climbed to #1, first sharing the top of the AL East with Red Laundry and then breaking away to lead the pack. We only lead by half a game, but we are holding on tight.

Will Leitch of NY Magazine has an interesting story about Yankee potential. It has been quite the turnaround. Things probably couldn't have started off worse. We remember the mess that surrounded us upon beginning this blog. Everywhere around us there were bad omens. We half expected to see black cats crossing home plate. All that money and below .500?

We're not sure of the exact cause and there has been much speculation, but the bottom line is we've come a long way in a relatively short amount of time. Pies in face. Wins stacking upon wins like pancakes. Errorless streak that matches the all time record of 17 consecutive games. Looking down at the Jays, Rays and the team-that-we-will-not-mention. We wrote a letter to the them a few weeks ago that we feel has been more than backed up by what we've done on the field. We're ready for June 9. Is June 9th ready for us?

The question Leitch poses is a good one. We like it's ambition. Can we.....win the World Series this year? Everybody whisper. But, it's really not too early to ask. We are playing good baseball. Things have more than improved across the board. In all areas. On the other hand, in a 162 game season maintenance is everything. We need to stay up and keep it up. Key words: stable pitching, solid relief and no more than one batter having a big papi (code word for drought people). Tex busted out of his lump like he was aboard a rocket in May but will that be a summer long trip? There won't always be pies in the face and flair (though it can't be denied that we do love the dramatic) but we can't have things sour if we want a chance at Jeet's 5th ring.

The ridiculous record of the Dodgers aside, we are hanging in there with most division leaders. As we know all too well, however, things can change fast and the standings can be shaken up like a shuffled deck of cards. All we can is do keep on keepin' on. So, let's close out the Tribe tonight and we'll be at the stadium tomorrow night to personally welcome Tejas.

Happy June. Here's to a great summer streak. We take nothing for granted.

Some Memorial Day Weekend Thoughts (We Can Ride a Bike with No Handlebars)

1) We are not a curse. Well, at least both of us aren't. We were at the streak ender Friday night, but HipHip was at yesterday's comeback (and got a ball!). Neither of us were there for todays extra inning loss (good effort boys) so we can't be blamed.

2) Johnny Damon having the Flowbots "No Handlebars" as his at-bat song of choice was simply amazing.

3) Friday night a girl sitting in front of us turned around to say that she had been laughing at our commentary all night and we sounded just like her and her best friend. Thanks, chica.

4) The Bleacher's Roll Call lead off guy does a hell of a job.

5) There should be bleacher boot camp. There are so many songs to learn and if you don't know the line up order, or miss a beat on anything, you fall behind and look stupid. They are not messing around.

6) There are a lot of Phillies fans at Yankee Stadium. We were seeing red. Literally and figuratively. We know Philly is close, but wow. We feel that in situations like these, fans need to be louder and have an even more commanding presence. Even when we're down. Because, as we saw yesterday and even today despite the loss, the Yankees are not taking being behind as their final answer.

7)We take back our happy thoughts about $ 6 beers. They are small. Sooooo, that adds up. No judging.

8)Melkman, is there a day you won't deliver? Don't think so. We like our Melk Clutch Percent please (we want that on a t-shirt, copyright 2girlsleftonbase)

9) The Phillies are good. Annoying, but good. Shutting down Lidge hit the spot.

10) Today's A's for effort's go out to Veras, Pena, Tex, Damon and Jeet. CC gets the award for dramatic flair while getting out of a jam. (So fiesty)

11) A-Rod seems to either be striking out or hitting home runs. Can we take the latter?

12) Dear Mets, Thanks. Sorry we couldn't match you in repaying the favor.

13) Dear Sawx, enjoy 1st while it lasts 'cause we're 1 game behind you and coming for it.

14) It's exciting to be a Yankees fan.


*UPDATE: holy texas. Apologies to A-Rod. Props to Hughes. Amendments to #11. It may be hot in Arlington but the breeze when passing Toronto feels excellent.

An Open Letter to the Red Sox

Dear Sawx,

Tap. Tap. We're right behind you. Yup, that's us. Yeah, 22-17 here. Seven straight. Five over .500. Last time we chatted, things were a little different. Last time we played you, we had emotional (not to mention physical) problems. Didn't really have things in order. You zipped ahead of us in the left lane. Things have changed. We got an E-Z pass (A-Rod), stocked up on supplies (CC) and fixed the parts that did not work (Tex). Next time we meet, we don't think you'll recognize us. We thought we'd give you a little heads up to jog your brain waves. We're nice like that.

Happy upcoming Memorial Day Weekend! No, really. That's sincere. You should enjoy your time with the Blue Jays and your holiday series with the Mets. Get a nice Fenway tan. We're not even rooting for you to fail, because at this point, it doesn't matter. Our game's changed. We're focusing on stringing together runs and streaks and our pitchers finally decided to come over and join us on team victory. We're not saying you have gotten bad. We've just gotten a lot better. We know that after beating us five times, you may not expect a challenge. You probably think you've mixed together a recipe that will get us every time. Yuk it up. You might want to re-measure all those ingredients because here are a couple of things that may ruin your meal:

We don't know if you've heard, but A-Rod's back. Yes, we know. You hate him. Not important. There will be all sorts of expletives coming from your stands when we arrive in Beantown with him in tow. Great. Once the yelling has calmed down enough for you to hear us, we'll say it and we'll say it clearly. He's not rusty. Averages don't win games. Runs do. Most importantly, he gave us that spark we needed to turn this ship around. Right Round.

Tex is out of his slump. We know. Revenge was sweet for you when he couldn't hit anything in sight during our past two series'. Karma's a biotch you thought. That's what we get for beating you out to sign him. Since A-Rod's return, Teixeira is hitting .341 with six homers and 17 RBIs. See, the thing about a slump is that usually it stops. Unless your name is David Ortiz.

We remembered that our official middle name is Rally. Many of our five losses to you could have easily been wins. The Twins 4 losses to us could have been wins. But, they weren't. Feels good to have our memory back.

Teamwork. Working with what we've got. Turns out, our rookie catcher is excellent. We'll be sure to formally introduce you.

There's a large fire brewing that you may remember by the name of Johnny Damon.

Who knows what will happen when we face you again June 9th. All we can say is that if things continue going the way they are going, you will be playing a very different Yankee clubhouse. We thought a warning was only fair. And yes, we'll fist pump all we want if things go our way.

Enjoy the Twins next week. I believe we roughed 'em up just enough so that they'll be easily beatable.

We'll be sure to bring some pies and a couple cartons of GOT MELK to wash them down with for your June enjoyment. CC, however, will be eating your roster.

Sincerely,

~Two Girls Left on Base

P.S- If David Ortiz wants to watch some tapes of how to hit home runs, we've got about 61 clips we can provide for you.

In LIVE Color

We're a little late, but better than never. Here to live blog the 1 pm Sunday game with the Twins. Can Burnett redeem himself? HipHip's on the DL but one of us can type and both of us can talk.

Larry King threw out the first pitch. He looks like crap.

Two away. Lets do this. 0-2. Burnett, have you finally got your game on? Pie in the face. Pie in the face. Don't unravel. Ramiro, great play. That's why they paying ya, pena.

We're over these Geicho commercials. Justin Long, were you drunk when you signed on to 'drag me to hell'. This is the segment we like to call, seriously?

Back to the field. Yanks at bat. Can we see a snapshot of Kevin Cash por favor?

Let's go Jeet. One down. You realize this isn't batting practice, right Derek? Can we talk about how this pitchers name is Slowey. Damon, don't get ejected. Thanks announcers for us telling us this Sunday's day game. We weren't sure. Somehow we thought this might be Tuesday's night game. Go, Johnny Go! No...not to the dugout. Eeek. The inning ended a little too fast. We need to slowey it down a little bit boys, pick your pitches.

Cuddyer. What's with the names on the Twins? Whoever your name is, we just struck you out with a breaking ball. Two away and at least we're hanging in there. Uno, dos, tres. Burnett, are you gonna join CC and Joba in the new movie 'How Our Power Pitchers Got Their Groove Back'? Let's call Justin Long's agent, clearly he'll be in anything.

Helloooooo, Alex. You look like you want to hit another homer. That's not a homer. Matsui, can you show A-Rod what we mean? Ok, not at all what we meant. Swish, let's climb out of your hole. Tex, can tell you it will feel so good. Call us. Wow, you really are not taking our advice, but still feel free to call us. Feel free to back up Burnett anytime boys. The game started at 1.

Those replays were really confusing. Giradi, you look badass with those shades. Like, if we say anything negative you will make us drop and give you twenty. From our couch. Warpaint on chubby faces, on the other hand, does not look badass at all. Full count and no outs. Keep it together, B. Nice catch, Damon. Like your shades too. Is Sunglasses Hut sponsoring this thing? We are stringing together a quilt made out of strikes. B seems back. Three away. Guess who's back? Back again? We can pitch. We make friends.

We think we should be in the roundtable discussion. We would look better in headsets. Would we have to wear ties?

GOT MELK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Damnit, you robbed him. Catching mits shouldn't work for the twins. We need to get some runs on the board. What was that Ramiro? You look so young. Like we could bounce you on our knee. Seriously, how old are you? Call us. Confused why we're still talking about the great day David Wells had 11 years ago. We get it. It was great. Meanwhile, 11 years later, another inning comes to a close without runs from our boys. Let's get out of our time machine, get back to the present and win this game.

We see two empty seats that have our names on 'em. And by two, we mean 40,000. Fifth strikeout. Nice work, B. Oh wait, something flashed at the bottom of the screen. 11 years ago, David Wells pitched a no-hitter. Is that why he's here? We weren't sure yet because they haven't really talked about it that much. Base hit. Pie in the face looks like he swallowed a lemon. Wow, this took a bad turn. It's ok Melk, you've carried the team like Yoshi. Double play. We got out of that hairy mess.

We're back round on the line up. Jeter, let's see your matrix moves. SAFE. We can see when Jeet runs it runs it. Hereeeeee's Johnny. Remember when he left the Red Sox for the Yankees? Stolen base!!! Stolen hearts. Good bunt. Good buns. Does anyone have a comb in the dugout? Johnny's hair looks winded. Tex, remember how you're not Slumpdog millionaire anymore? You're just millionaire. So, keep hitting. The announcers just mentioned fried dough and we're wondering if CC was behind that. Easy there slumpdog. We decided we're calling A-Rod, Lex. Let's go Lexi. Only his 8th walk off ? We thought he ate walk offs for breakfast, you know with a side of Roid. Not. Worth. It. Too many jokes.

A-Rod.....your boyfriends at 3rd. He wants to come home. He's humming 'My Boyfriends Back'. Hey laaa hey laaaa, bring him home. Slumber party at the mound. Who are you, Jason Varitek? Jeter, we'll throw you a life preserver in a second. People we'd rather see stranded: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. David Ortiz. The cast of the Hills. This game is flying like Manny's dreads in the wind.

Apparently, the weather 11 years ago is worth airtime. Nick Punto? Seriously? Remember when Jorge Posada was our catcher? Good times, good times. We hear Posada's wife is a WILF...we bet his recovery time ain't bad. The Twins win for weirdest names in the MLB. Let's hope that's all they're gonna win. B, don't lose it on us now. It's cap day here on the couch. Ironic how it's actually bat day at the stadium. Let's start hitting now that we're outta that mini-jam.

Vidal Sassoon is up. LET'S GET SOMETHING ROLLING like a Manny joint. Nicky Swish, way to make our crush credible. The Melkman. is. up. Knock knock. Deo. Deeeeeooooooooooooo. We want to talk to Melky before batting practice. Strike Out. Will anybody bring Swisher home? We don't know how we feel with this all being on Pena's shoulders. Then again, the kids in the Bronx have pulling more than their weight lately. This game has actually put HipHip to sleep. Pena, wake her up. It's a slumber party again at the mound. Ouch.

How can we order some of that Yankee ice cream?

Pena's dropping it like it's hot. All this talk about the M&M boys is making us hungry. Burnett's keeping us satisfied.

Cash is out. Not surprising? Can Jeter make up the difference? What are the sizes of CC's and Joba's sweatshirts? Just curious. Really wish we had a mic on that pitchers' dugout conversation. CC is chewing something and we're pretty sure it's not sugarless gum. Nice Damon. LET'S MATERIALIZE. Anti-climatic. Great, no Phil Cooke and no Mo in the bullpen. That's promising. B seems to be holding on, on the other hand. Wheres a match for the Yanks bats? If we order more food, will they score?

Let's place some orders....two B strikeouts, one grand slam for the Yanks, with a tall glass of Melk and a side of Swish's digits. Punto walks. On second thought, we're not hungry. Or maybe we are. If B can work himself out of another traffic jam, we'll rethink it. Yikes. We're still hungry though, is that wrong? Pretty sure CC would back up the food thing. WE'RE ANGRY. GUARD HOME CASH, THANKS. WILD PITCHES ARE NOT SEXY. Upon replay, we see the ball hit him in the face. Apologies. We're hungry. Get us out of here, B. Shattered bat. Is that guy White ok? Yikes. He doesn't look like a spring chicken, either.

That Damon smile made us melt. The full count does not. We think the balls that are being tossed behind Cash like they are aimed for Citi Field are concerning. As are the familiar scenes of bases loaded in the 7th. B, do you need help? Cause we're not sure our bullpen can get out of this. We. want. to. believe. Big strikeout. We believe (a little). It's the 7th inning stretch. While they honor America, we're gonna look at the menu.

YEAH LEXI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Screamed on the phone with diner delivery. Looks like roids were a bad choice for you. Let's tie this up. YEAH HIT-DEKI!!!! Chugs into second and just like that, welcome back. With food on the way. We think we don't enjoy coming straight out and winning games. We like to scare eveyone. We have a flair for the dramatic. Swisher, we'd sacrifice for you any day. Do your magic, melk. Thirteen comeback wins. Exactly. If it were easy, it'd be boring. CLUTCH MATSUI. All tied up in the Bronx. Punto is a buzzkill. We just went to Sawx page to see if they were losing. They aren't playing till 4 pm, but the background template was enough to make us x out of their page. Fast. Socks are not a mascot. They are a laundry item.

Michael Kay, can you give us a shout out? Bullpen, can you not fall apart? Cuddlybears up again. Walks are nightmares.

We're eating but while we've been away: one commercial we couldnt understand by Cano and a CLUTCH THROW by Tex. Cash actually caught it. We're rocking and rolling in the 8th. LETS DO THIS BOYS!!!! Jeter's on third and its all up to LEXI. They hit 'em. Slowey's day has come to a stop. And we've got Matsui up to break this open. Bases loaded. Batsui strikes out and we're gonna pretend we didn't just lose the last ten minutes to false excitement.

9th inning is all it takes? Stay tight, bullpen. Mo is actually in. Michael Kay was incorrect. He is also repeating HipHip. Are we being bugged? Sandman delivered.

Can we do it? No need for heroics Swishalicious. Just need a single and...are you single? Clutch percent melk is up. Good bunt by Melk. He's a center-field of all trades. We have to admit, that hug from A-Rod made us all warm and fuzzy. Rookies up. Rookie surprises. Gardner risks it all and comes up short. Michael Kay is waxing poetic about how that would have been a great play, had he scored, but since he didn't, it was a bad one. Thanks for clearing. that. up. No one is talking to Gardner in the dugout. Cold train ride home?

We're wondering what the Twins are talking about on the mound: what bar you wanna go to after this? Joshua tree? nah, man the hotel mini bar is stocked. coo'.

ROBBIE. way to look awake. one eye was closed.

Extra innings. we're full. the heiniken commercials are starting to wear thin. that was easy. top of the order coming up shortly. forecast: win hopeful. a-rod home run breeze coming from the west. Fly OUT Jeter. Getting down to the wire. I mean, we wouldn't be upset if A-Rod won the game. Oh, no need, DAMON continues his reign of terror!!!!! Five in a row. pie in the face. Exit Victory. Why is it that even though all these celebrations always look exactly the same, they never cease to be cute?

summary of stats:

iced chais consumed 2

take out orders 2

annoying justin long movie commercials 3

bloggers on the DL 1

falling asleep 1

waking up 1
slumber parties at the mound 3

attempted stolen bases that are a total gamble 1
references to lexi 5-10
extra innngs 1
pie (or whatever that was) in face 1

consecutive walk off wins 3

yankee pile on priceless

The Best Way to Start a Winning Streak is to Win

Winning streak may refer to:

• a sports and gambling term denoting a series of contests or matches uninterrupted by loss

Thanks to Wikipedia and the Yankees, we finally know what a winning streak is and feels like. Looks like our songs provided a little inspiration for the Bronx Bombers because we've won four straight and six out of our last ten. The last two home games have provided many sports center moments and we're feeling like this could be the start of something. The Melkman has been consistently delivering through losses and wins, but Friday night was actually fruitful as he provided a two run single to produce the W. Funny that when we googled Got Melk only a few weeks ago the choices for t-shirts were slim to none and yet Saturday morning there was already a website with custom ordered got melk stickers. You know you're doing something right when you have a Shepard Fairy inspired poster with your face on it. Saturday afternoon was littered with classic Yankee rally gems. Joba the Hut came out of the gates strong (he answered our Craigslist ad for another reliable ace), Mo reminded us why we never question 'enter sandman', pitching two scoreless innings and working out of the kind of 10th inning disaster that was giving us 'nam flashbacks. And A-Rod gave us a roid-free homer that mattered. Could we have asked for a better Yankee weekend? Tex is out of his slump and even Gardner is contributing. This is what we were talking about. Stringing together some wins and getting our heads back in the game. Most importantly, as LoHud noted after Friday night's victory, the vibe seems good. We're all on the same page. We're all helping out. No drug talk, no star antics, just walk off singles, homers and clutch pitching. That climb above .500 may be steep, but we've got our mountain gear on.

Look At Me, I Could Be Centerfield

We've always wondered how much thought goes into the songs the boys pick to play when they come up to bat. We're hoping a few years ago when Jeter had "Magic Stick" he didn't overthink that one. It's always rap with A-Rod, Jeter, and Cano, and you can count on some latin beats for Posada, Molina, and Melky. It sets the tone for their at-bats and to be perfectly honest, we think they should let us decide their songs for them. So, we've taken the liberty to put some down here, and we're pretty sure that's all we have to do to get them played tonight in The Bronx.

Jeter: My Boyfriend's Back by the Angels. Can't you just see Jeet singing that to opposing teams? He's been gone for such a long time....now he's back and things will be fine. You're gonna be sorry you were ever born, cause he's kind of big and he's awful strong. Well, hopefully not THAT strong anymore.

Johnny D.: Jesus Take the Wheel by Carrie Underwood. The hottest player in baseball really can't do this all on his own.

Teix: Start Me Up by The Rolling Stones. Teix really just needs a bit of a jump start. We see him kind of as that rusty lawnmower in the garage. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. We need to start him up and he'll never stop.

A-Rod: Greed, Hate, Envy by Nelly. Expanded my game off into amphetamines.... Let's be honest, we're not big A-Rod fans. In fact, he epitomizes what so many of us dislike about the team. But, if he can learn to follow the rules, stay cool, and rock jewels, we may be able to come around a litttle bit.

Hitdeki Batsui: Domo Arigato by Styx. Not just because he's Japanese. Because he is a robotic baseball genius. The man doesn't flinch. He is like a little wind-up toy. Thank you very much, Mr. Roboto for doing the jobs that nobody wants to.

Nicky Swish: Personality by Lloyd Price. It's pretty simple, he's got personality. Walk, talk, smile, charm, love. And plus he's got some great big at-bats.

Robbie: Work it by Missy Elliot. Have you heard him give interviews? This is solely about our inability to understand a word the man says. Love him. Can't. Understand. Him. Maybe he is speaking backwards like Missy.

Melky: Center Field by John Fogerty. Seriously Joe. There's new grass on the field, he's a brown-eyed handsome man. Anyone can understand the way we feel. He's ready to play, today. He really could be center field. Just stop messing with the lineup we mailed you.

Posada: Head and Shoulders, Knees, and Toes by...Mother Goose? Or is it Cabeza, Hombros, Rodillas, et Dedos? Hip Hop has just gotta get better. Come on. We need you.

C.C: I Want Candy by the Strangeloves. We like to think C just needs a little energy boost to get him through those innings.

Mo: If you thought we was going to put anything here but Enter Sandman, we would have expected you to stop reading this blog.

Girardi: Livin' on a Prayer by Bon Jovi. Unfortunately for Joe, it does make a difference if they make it or not.

Steinbrenner: What's My Age Again? by Blink 182. Nobody likes you when you're 78.

Stay tuned, more wit to come.

New York, We Love You but You're Bringing Us Down

The fact that Jeter didn't play last night was almost as unfortunate as Swisher's new haircut. We know there are strict Yankee clubhouse dress code rules, but that was beyond the call of duty. It'll grow. Burnett, you keep vowing to do better. We keep waiting, but its getting deep into May and the deadline is fast approaching for you to provide a CC-esque performance. We would like to trade dread for optimism upon hearing you will pitch. Yesterday's game was just sad. Jeter unexpectedly scratched from the lineup (way to give us a heart attack), Matsui leaving the game injured, Burnett once again making us doubt his ability to win games and only one run scored total. What can we do to inspire our boys?

Put out ads in craigslist? WANTED: Reliable Aces. Winning Streak. Good Barber for Swisher. Holistic Healer for Jeter (we're applying). Clone of CC (do we have enough food?). Ten Ice Cream Trucks for CC. Clone of Torre. Teleportation of Giambi. Five automatic losses to the Red Sox solely for Papelbon's facial expressions or because socks are not an adequate mascot. Magic Bats. No, no, A-Rod, let's keep this legal.

We will just have to inspire them the old fashioned way. Stay Tuned for HipHip's grand entrance.

Happy Mother's Day to Yome Damon

Yome deserves a someecard today thanking her for giving birth to Johnny Damon. Not only did he continue his personal hot streak, but this Joba the hut bailout actually produced a W for us. W's are few and far in between of late, so this is something to write home (and Yome) about. What beautiful weather for baseball and we must say, the pink bats and matching arm bands for breast cancer awareness were precious. As was the warpaint on Swisher. As it was to finally see a smile of Tex's face as he belted one out in the 1st. Cano killed the cold and Damon held the hot. All in all, great day. Happy Mom's. Happy Yanks.

By the way, Damon's son has him on his fantasy team which just about breaks our hearts its so cute. Also, ENOUGH with people flipping out about Joba's exaggerated fist pump. LoHud has a great point about how if people are allowed to celebrate in basketball and football, why not baseball? Some of those NFL touchdown dances make Joba look like he's barely even aware he did something positive.

UPDATE: I'd rather see a fist pump.

We're JNTI A-Rod, but Please Continue Scoring

Not shocking, we're just not that into A-Rod. We don't know many who actually are. How many A-Rod shirts do you see on people that aren't nine year old boys? A $275 million price tag and he still hasn't brought us much luck in the post-season, or the off season for that matter. Then there's that whole situation that rhymes with goid. He says dumb things. Our security guard buddy at the Stadium told us he's not exactly sweet to the grounds crew. Surprising? Not really. Personal criticism aside (we could care less if he does Kabbalah or what stripper he's straddling in the Virgin Islands if he produces on the field, but please be nice to the YMCA guys, Alex), at times we've wondered if there really is a curse of "the cooler".

But, here's the thing: A-Rod is like that guy in your extended social group. You know, that guy: the flashy, quasi- obnoxious one with whom you'd pass on just about every activity, but when you're in the mood to get loose, he's the guy who will buy the group shots and get everyone pumped up. You don't like him, but when he's in the zone you're cheering. A-Rod bought the shots last night. He supplied the free keg and got the dugout ready to party. He was the one who finally, finally, fed CC an adequate meal. Plus, those frosted tips really are dead and gone. So, we're cheering. All politics aside, you couldn't have scripted a better comeback-moment for somebody. We don't have to be Co-Founders of the A-Rod fan club to appreciate that his first pitch back from tampa bay vacation was welded into a three-run-homer. First AB, first swing, see ya. Wondering if he was imagining the ball as Selena Roberts. It doesn't seem possible he'll ever make the 'drogas' talk disappear, but he certainly wasn't recoiling on his first game back from injury. Bottom line is we need RBI's no matter who they come from. If they are gonna come from A-Rod, we may not exactly gonna be chanting Go Alex, It's your birthday (however if he's still hitting like this on July 27th, we might), but we'll give credit where credit is due. We hope you enjoyed your three course meal last night CC, because your shutout was icing on our cake.

P.S- Cervelli: Impressive, Rook, impressive. You aren't too hard on the eyes either...

All We Want in May Are HITS with RISP

Starting this blog on the heels of a five game losing streak seems oddly fitting. We're down and out. To say we're frustrated would be to put it midly. It'd be easier if we were completely terrible. I know many will disagree, but we're not awful. We are struggalugging. We're tired of 4-3, 8-6, 7-4 as the score every night with us only falling behind or coming up short in the last two innings. We're tired of lead off homers by the opposing team. We're tired of men left stranded with a familiar chorus of pop up, fly out, ground out, strike out. Seriously, if Got Melk is left out there long enough, we fear he's gonna start talking to the base Tom Hanks and Wilson style. We're tired of pulled groins and the DL. We're tired of roid and las drogas talk. (Thanks to Manny being banny, however, looks like we may have a few off days for that one). We're tired of the lost-my-puppy- dog looks on our handsome pinstripes. Seriously Hit-deki, your hair is too beautiful to sport a frown like that. Somebody feed CC. I will personally bring him krispy kreme at the 7th inning stretch if that's what it takes. Tex, its almost better when you toss your helmet with anger than the dagger-to-heart we feel when our own fans boo you (seriously, yankee fans what's up with that, stop it. now. doesn't. help. anything. thanks). Most of all we're tired of a fruitless rally. A loss with a rally is still a loss. But, a rally requires heart.

We don't have quit in us and we always go into the 9th swinging hard. Somehow, all of this just makes us love the Yankees that much more. Inboxes littered with Fenway accents and trash talk texts. The paper headlines (NY papers give you a hell of a tough skin). The smug looks on the faux-sawx fans we've met at bars who aren't even from the extended New England area (and we're being geographically generous). The facebook status' and twitters about just how much we actually suck. Yes, we've hit a bit of a rough patch. We've jokingly thought about starting our own team of sluggers (sorry Mets but orange does NOT look good on us). We sometimes yell POP-up-FLY-out in jest when we're at the end of our tethers and our guy is up at bat. We're not naive. 0-5 to Soul Patch and the BoSox gang obviously isn't something we're going to be putting on a t-shirt anytime soon. Losing 22-4 to the Tribe took a couple beers, or eighteen, to swallow. But, it's all in love, baby. We're the Yankees. Rally is our mascot and we do not need a stupid monkey to prove it.

We just need to regroup. We need to channel all the negative energy into hits with RISP. We need A-Rod to give us some RBI's. We need our starting pitchers to throw some star pitches and we need our bullpen to back them up with mud and bricks and stone. We're 28 games into the season and we're not scared. We think back to what one of our favorite yank blogs, LoHud said. Granted this was back on April 28th, prior to some more sweep action at home (I got slightly ill writing that), but we think it still applies: "The Yankees are like Swine Flu. There's cause for concern, but there's no reason to panic". We enjoy people counting us out too early.

Just last Friday, HipHip and I were at a game that seemed like it was gonna get rained out from 4 pm on. It didn't. We were at a game where it seemed we were gonna lose on the hour. We didn't. The night included three rounds of soaked jeans, about twenty rounds of inaugural brew (delighted that you can still get a 6 buck beer at the stadium, its not really anyones fault but ours that we spent 100 bucks), a consistent five hours of screaming Swisher's name even after he was taken out with a sore elbow (but assured us he was ok via twitter) and a score that seemed solid but vanished faster than you can say-was-that- a- replay? We stood for seven innings--dirty, muddy and drenched with a group of guys who couldn't remember our real names so cheered plays with us by shouting out our neighborhoods. Things looked about as dicey as they could get when Posada bailed us out and it rained beer in the 9th. Moral of this sappy interlude is that we know how to do this. We just need to remember that we know how to do this. It will be that much sweeter when it comes time to knock down some lofty perches with our bats. Mini-moral is that girls can show up boys in knowledge. HipHip actually informed a "die hard" Yankee fan that Teixeira's number was Giambi's old 25 after he didn't understand who the hell was on deck.

So, here's to the new blog and a summer of baseball redemption. We'll be here to live-blog some games, tell personal stories from the stadium and the bar crowds, report unconventional stats, duel with rivals (bring it), craft songs (just wait till you hear 'like a yank' though we might have to tone it down for the internet world), pick you up off the floor when you're broken after a heartbreaking loss or pour beer on you during a clutch win. We might even have guest commentators and we'll certainly have to up the anty for our next June date with you-know-who. Perhaps we'll write a play as we envision it from the dug out or team hotel. Anything's possible. Just like a winning streak. Stolen base. Ground Rule Double. Grand Slam.

P.S-Personal shout out to Got Melk who has consistently proven he's worthy of CF. Cabrera the Comeback Kid, we're lifting our coronas to the start of an excellent season for you. Keep it up.

P.P.S-Tonight's the night. A-Rod sheds A-Roid and plays au natural back from hip injury. We are relieved the frosted tips are gone. Not expecting a miracle, but a couple of clutch RBI's might be just the ticket.

P.P.S- Nicky Swish, call us.